Friday, May 16, 2008

Hard Time

Today, is not a great day for me. It started with a chat with Mom.. discussing about apartment, and stuffs, led to a little conversation with my sister and she said something that kinda irritated me. Before I knew it, I flipped out. I went online to chat with my Mom.. and all of a sudden, this burst of emotion (anger) threw out of my mind. I was upset of her bla bla.. I always held back my feelings bla bla.. and so on.

Then, all things went downhill soon after. I felt so guilty to my sister and mom because of my reaction and I just broke down. Perhaps it's the emotions that I've been holding inside for 5 months. I felt stupid and relentless towards my sister and sometimes my mom. I haven't been this emotional since I came here to Boston. I'm still a little bit overwhelmed with this whole situation of being here, by myself, away from my loved ones. I felt so wrong.

Despite that I'm happy and try to be relatable to others, I actually don't know who I am. It's hard. I've always have a low self esteem. It's not easy to admit it (especially, in a journal like this), but I decided to open myself more and try to accept myself, while I'm working on my attitude and confidence. I don't wanna make people feel sorry for me or anything, but the intention of writing this post is just to let my feelings out, so I could feel better.

It's really hard for me to be cheer-y right now but, hope u guys have a good day!
see ya

1 comment:

Steph said...

Mien! I applaud you for admitting that in a public blog. Not everyone have the courage to do that, maybe not even me. It can be daunting you know.. living overseas especially somewhere so far away and it's a total culture shock (even though we're more open minded cos we've traveled and watch a lot of 'bule' shows but it's still not the same!. I think it's not that easy to adapt especially since we're older (mgkn kalo masih kecil bisa lebih gampang), it's okay to feel bursts of emotions.. to let you in on a secret, I still feel uncomfortable here sometimes despite being able to communicate and living with my family. Jadi ciayo hehehe kapan2 kita bisa ngobrolin masalah gini overseas students probs hehehe. Oh I didn't mean to make it this long I hope you don't think I'm commenting too much I don't mean to make a big deal out of it but perhaps I can be of some help in this area :p