Confessions In The Darkest Hour

I'm sleepless, I'm bothered and I'm fucked. That's right, I've to say that this end of the year, despite the great life and so on, I don't feel happy. I feel like I, once again, re-entered the dark time again and speaking of dark, it's really dark right here literally.

I actually it began with the distance between my house and school (40 min by train, one trip) and then It spread out into 'too many courses taken' situation. Which is kind of true: I took 5 courses - textile science, french draping, history of costume, college algebra & microeconomics - which every single course need an extra care. That means that I have to work extra hard this semester - and it kinda failed.

I managed to survived Math test on Friday morning (at 9 AM), although I skipped to many classes. That happened to History, which I kinda confident with, but I was absent 10 times - which can resulting in fail. So does Micro and Textile. As for French draping, I'm not really sure anymore. I have this wedding dress I need to finish by Monday and I haven't even cut the lace. Such a tragedy and ironic.

Speaking of ironic, my weight. I know I promised myself to not talk about it anymore on the last post, but I have to come clean that, I gained half of the weight I lost in 2006-2007 period. It's such a shame and disappointment because I worked so hard on that and I blew it. I hate to say this but, I started gaining weight the first day I went to Jakarta for holiday, and it went downhill ever since. It's uber-ironic because, that 3-month holiday was literally the best thing happened this year and yet, it also started my new era of darkness - and here I am writing about it.

I do think that I'm in denial somehow and I'm afraid of discipline. I felt like some of me wants an endless freedom and a lifestyle of an ultimate devil-may-care slacker, but I'm seriously feels like, it's enough. I can't let myself down the drain now.. It's time to get up. Hopefully with this entry, I'm ending my dark ages and entering a whole new chapter.